Well another overdue post and one sleepless night. I just have so much going on right now i feel like i dont know where to turn. This summer so far has been great. I have not only gone on a great and eye opening vacation but i got together with some of my best friends for a camping trip and gone away with my boyfriend for a few days as well. It really has been a great summer and even work is going better than expected. It’s just so crazy to think that summer is really almost over. School starts in less than a month and i feel less prepared for it than last year.

Last year i had a goal Waubonsee Nursing Program and i would be set for the next 2 years at Waubonsee. But that all changed when i didnt pass the enterance exam. Although i came up with an alternative plan of going to AU the more and more i think about going there i just stress myself out with the thought of having all that money to pay. The goal was to pay NOTHING for a nursing program and all of the sudden the stakes went up 20,000+ per year.On top of it i keep hearing of how hard nursing is all across the boarder. I continue to question if this whole nursing thing is really the right path for me in the first place. As an average student how can i succeed when A+ students are even having a hard time getting through nursing school? I just hate to waste any time during this next school year taking classes that are AU appropriate and then not end up going to AU? Im trying my best to just go with the flow and i know in time things will work themselves out but as for now i just have to take it day by day.

On a more positive note the other day at work i had a great experience with one of the Sisters of Mercy there at the nursing home. One of the Sisters died at the nursing home and although i did not interact with her much it was still sad to see one of the residents pass that i had contact with within the past month or so. Anyways when a sister dies they place the body in the chapel for the wake and the Sister spends her last night in the facility. Right as about they were going to close the chapel for the night one of the other Sisters in the nursing home upstairs asked me to take her downstairs to the chapel to see the other Sister for the last time. When we went into the chapel the Sister asked me just to sit with her while she prayed and said her final goodbyes to the Sister that had passed. Some people might be creeped out by going so close to a dead body but for me it was no problem. Instead of a bad reaction to the whole situation it was really heartwarming for me. I had previously asked the Sister if she even knew the Sister that had passed very well and she clearly said no but she was a few doors down from me and i would just like to see her one last time. It was so sweet how much this Sister cared for others. But as i sat with her in the chapel i was just so happy that i could be apart of this moment with this Sister. Although i had a ton to do with my job i earased that from my mind and just enjoyed being a part of this Sisters life and simply focused on the here and now part of life rather than what was happening upstairs and what happened before i stepped into the chapel.

Once she finished praying we went over the convent and the Sister wanted my help picking out some sympathy cards as well as some congratulations cards for a wedding she was attending later in the week. As we sorted through the cards she began to tell me her story of life. She continued to tell me that she thought last December was going to be her last month of life. Not only did she have Cancer but several other health issues that are continually getting worse. She then told me that since last December 20 people that she knew has died and she always thought she would die before them. Although her outlook on life may seem grim, as a Sister she feels her life has been lived to the fullest. She has lived to serve god and she knows that god has a specific time for her and it is not now. Maby it will be this month or the next but she is still changing lives in the process because i know she has for sure changed mine.

Life works in mysterious ways and although it may be confusing at times, god has a plan for us all. There are so many decisions to make and so many bumps in the road that can through us off but our ability to adapt and make changes play a key role in life. Just like Sister i hope to take things day by day and limit the amount of bumps in the road. *Live as Though Heaven is on Earth*

I was in the middle of a huge long post

AND 

I DIDNT SAVE AS I WAS GOING 

AND

BAMMMM!

It disappeared like yesterdays garbage.

BLAHHHHH

Has it been a long time since my last post or what? Instead of writing about everything that has happened in my life since my last post I’m going to sum it up by providing a list.

 1) I FINALLY completed anatomy ending with a C in the course. (could be better but ill take what i can get.)

2) I Left my comfort keepers job due to job inactivity. (snooze)

3) I started a new job finally using my CNA certification (yess!)

4) My boyfiend is finally home for summer (double yess!)

Actually that’s pretty much the extent of my list. Kind of depressing that’s all i have for you but it has sure seemed like a lot during the time. What i would rather talk about in this post is summer.

I have been longing for summer ever since that stupid snowfall that covered the earth providing us with feet of never ending snow. What a depressing time that was. But thank god its long gone.

Last summer i spent reading and devouring books. Nicholas Sparks books to be exact but right now i am longing to read like i did last summer. This past school year i have never read so many TEXTBOOKS over and over again just trying to understand the material. when i read during the summer, there’s nothing to understand just the deciphering of the words. With the books i read there’s no google search that goes along with it when i don’tunderstand what something or what some word means. I love reading for fun and today while flipping through my Cosmo. magazine, i got a glance of fun reading and it really inspired me to find another series or even just a single book that i can start to enjoy. During the summer of last year, my mom and i took a cruise around the Caribbean and the highlight of one of our days was just sitting on the pool deck reading. We spent probally the whole day reading. While others would say that we were wasting our time, i say that sometimes it’s the simple things that can make us happy. Some people love to read and others don’t. there’s nothing wrong with personal preferences but for my mom and i, reading is a great thing to do. I love being sucked into a good book and i cannot wait to start reading again this summer.

Although reading is a joy of mine during the summer i also cannot wait to go on vacation again to Mexico and simply enjoy the hot weather here in the Midwest. I also cannot wait for all my friends to get home for summer! This year has been way to long without them and i cannot wait to have some solid shoulders to lean on when i need it. There’s so much this summer has yet to bring and although i still have one more day of classes, i think its practically here.

Since summer is finally right around the corner, i want to write more too. And starting this page up again will be just the way to do it. Always remember “Live as Though Heaven is on Earth”

Can someone please explain to me what is happening to this world? Throughout these past few years all i have seen is war, less employment, natural disasters, and price increase from almost everything. Not to mention the HUGE raise on gas. Whatever happened to the simple things in life? Although there has always been war throughout the years, natural disasters happened ever so frequently, getting and maintaining a job was never a worry, and things like bread and gas costed only pennies and dimes. 

Ohh how the times have changed. As i get older i tend to notice these things more. I remember when Bush was president and he first declared war on Iraq. I have always heard about wars but never was actually alive to experience it though the news, television and radio. I wont go on a rant to explain my natural hatred for violence and war but when bush declared war on Iraq i was naturally upset. I personally think violence does not solve anything but who am i to voice my opinion? I am just a mere citizen of the US with no influence on our political decisions. Naturally i hate politics as well. Not only do i not understand it but i just think that people in high power positions use their power to their advantage and their advantage only. Just look at some of the political figures Illinois has had. We are known for having the most corrupt government system here in Illinois and what has to do with it? People with high power only taking care of themselves. I just do not know what to think anymore. 

Less employment is my next debate. Heres a personal example. My best friend in the whole world moved to Florida because her dad got a better job offer. After living there peacefully for about 3 years her dad lost his job in Florida. Now what? He moved specifically for a job then loses it and now its been over 2 years and has he found another job? Of course not. Theres clearly not enough employment around and unless you have a connection or a impeccable resume you are basically screwed. Why must employment be at such a risk right now when inflation is killing our economic situation? People losing their homes, cars, personal valuables, just because they simply cannot afford it. This is the worst time for people to be without a job and our economic state is not helping by any means. Even things like trying to improve your educational state is nearly impossible. The cost of college is increasing everyday so things like improving your resume is nearly impossible as well. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Natural disasters are unbelievable right now. Just a few years past a tsunami wrecked though Haiti, New Orleans was sent to shambles and several other countries and now a huge earthquake hits japan? And what are we doing here in the US? Just enjoying ourselves. Our world is crumbling right before our eyes and how the US helps i am sure is really great but how do we know? We Americans care much more about Charlie Sheen’s recent ban from 2 and a half men than whats actually going on in the rest of our world. We are so wrapped up in our own lives and own gossip that things like helping Haiti, New Orleans, and Japan are a long lost thought. It appalls me how blind we can be to the disasters going on in the rest of our world.

I have saved the best for last. Whoever is reading this right now is in for a pretty big rant. The inflation on gas. I just cannot believe the people controlling the price of gas sent here the US. Right now because Libya and Egypt are not getting along WE as Americans have to pay the price. We are talking Millions of miles away countries are not getting along therefore our gas prices have to spike 30+ cents in the past month. It is absolutely ridiculous. Who even knows if this is the exact reason? This price in gas could all be a cover up and excuse just to get us Americans to pay more money. Those people who are controlling our gas have TRILLIONS of dollars in profit just coming from us Americans because we need the gas. Those trillions of dollars they already had before the gas peaked and now what they are indulging even more by making us spend the last little pennies we have on that precious gas. It is absolutely ridiculous. 

On top of that, our government wants us to become more green. This is true, not only is our ozone deteriorating by the minute, but it’s deteriorating partly because of what? OUR GAS EMISSIONS. So the solution is hybrid cars. To me this is a great solution. It’s a step in the right direction but whats the problem? The price and limited availability and style we Americans so desperately want. Recently have seen some new hybrids that have come out that look like average regular cars but the fact is, all of these foreign countries that our controlling our gas, are also controlling the amount of hybrid cars that are put on the market. America is supposed to be a free country but clearly we cannot be free if foreign countries are controlling our every move in the automotive industry. This country should be able to do whatever we want without some foreign influence.

The truth is, our world is filled with negative things right now. I think we need to get our priorites straight and start doing things that will effect our future positively. How we as simple citizens can do this i cannot answer but hopefully our country takes a better turn fast because our world is too corrupt right now.

*Live as Though Heaven is on Earth* 

Lately i have just been feeling so confused. I feel like my life is being pulled in a thousand different directions and i just dont know which way to turn. I try my hardest but it seems like decisions never seem to get easier. This next semester seems right around the corner and there are a ton of decisions i know i will have to make before then.

School is the primary concern, although i know i have pleanty of options i just would really like to know what will actually fall into place before next year. My primary objective is to  finish my associates degree in science at Waubonsee,  and try once again to get into Waubonsee’s registered nursing program. If i do not succeed once again i will probally transfer to maby AU for their bachelors in science  program. If i dont get into AU my next option would be to attend College of Dupage and get into their Ultrasound program. Like i said previously, there are PLEANTY of options i just have to figure it out next year. I really just dont like how this whole year panned out so far. I wish that i would have just gotten into the RN program right away and not have to worry about all of this. Not passing that test really has left pleanty of options but with each option pulling every different directions.

On top of school, i just feel so left out here in Aurora lately. Although all of my friends have been coming back for their breaks, i feel like they are having soo much more fun than me while they are off at school. At Waubonsee it is so hard getting to know people. I basically just go to class to learn and leave. Its not like a four year college where you are forced to make new friends its totally an option to make new friends at a community college or not. My mom is always a good person to lean on during times like these times but theres only so much i feel like doing with her. I have been trying so hard to make the best of this college situation and although i am saving a TON of money i feel like its just hard sometimes.

Amongst all this confusion and frustration, the other day i took some time just to sit and listen. It was a cold, gray day and i just sat on the couch with my dog looking out the window at the world around me. I listened to the silence of the house and the deep breaths in and out from my dog Suzy. I listened to the bird rustling in his cage and just listened to the wind blow just outside the window. Just the silence was so calming enough. Just taking a moment to sit and listen can really clear your mind. I didnt think about school, i didnt think about work, just nothing but the calmness around me.

As i was listening i thought about what it would be like to be a dog. My Suzy sat there looking so peacefull with not a care in the world. Dogs have such a simple life where their favorite thing for the day is going out for walk and getting a treat. Suzy is the best dog i have ever had. More and more she is latching on to me, hopping up to me when im on the couch and always coming to me when she wants to play. I love her to death and when i thought about how simple her life is i just thought how lucky she is to be a dog. No worries and decision making just simple bliss.

Although in life i know i will never become a dog and have all my responsibilites and decisions go away, being human and living life is something to learn from. Every decision i make directly effects my future and this is not always a bad thing. When good decisions are made, there is so much to look forward to for the future. Although right now there are pleanty of options to consider, i know that if something is meant to be it will happen. Right now im just taking it day by day handling every obstacle that comes at me to the best of my ability. *Live as Though Heaven is on Earth*

Fate can happen in so many different ways. Either for the good or the bad i feel like i have been letting everything fall on the basis of fate. Fate recently in my life has been a liitle of both good and bad but recently (this past month) fate has dropped some bad bombs on my future.

I am the kind of person who has to try hard for everthing i do. For some people school and smarts come naturally. Some people hardly study for the big test we may be having next week and naturally they pass the test with flying colors. As for myself, that is definitely not the case. I study and study and study until my brain hurts and when i go to take the test what do i end up with? A big fat F. I just dont know what else to do. Recently i have been studying for this nursing entrance exam and basically i hit a wall. This test to me became alot like the ACT. A test you can only study so much for and end up with a positive result. After taking a course on how to do it and how to study the end result still wasnt what i was expecting. The ACT’s and i never got along very well and after taking the test not once but twice coming out with the same score was a little frustrating. Anyways this nursing entrance exam was basically the same thing. Although i havnt taken it twice, this test i knew would come down to what basic knowledge i do know. I tried studying for this test as much as i could even seeing a tutor but in the end did it pay off? Once again that answer is a negative.

I know i have to try hard for everything in life, its just the kind of person i am and always will be. At times it definitly stinks but being like this really makes me appreciate more in my life. When the end result finally does pay off it really makes a huge difference in my life. Right now clearly wasnt my time for this test. I tried as hard as i could and obivously it wasnt enough at this moment. I wont let this test bring me down by any means. I know at some point in the future it will be my time and eventually i will ace that test or find another path for my future. This failure on the nursing test is simply a bump in the road and although it sucks, life will go on and i will continue with school just like every other college student.

Although fate has determined my future for now, i know in the future my time will come and i will find my future career. There are always obstacles in our lives and how we handle those obstacles determines our future. If everyone choose to give up when times got hard, our society would be in shambles and our world a mess. Not everyone succedes the first time and although some might say quit, i believe that is never an option. *Live as Though Heaven is on Earth*

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you just want to continously slam your head against a wall just so you can erase everything that happened during the day? Today was totally one of those days. Seirously from start to finish nothing went right.

This morning started out with me waking up soo tired. I hate my 8am Anatomy class on tuesdays and thursdays and espically hated it this morning. Last night i stayed up a little too late being social and “studying” for my psych exam i also had later today. So i woke up just wanting to go back to sleep. I stumbled into anatomy fairly ready to learn. As i told my friend in the class today, i feel like i walk into that class not knowing anything and i just walk out confused. Our teacher is really good but the problem is, he knows wayy to much about anatomy to be teaching it to a bunch of college kids. He should be somewhere were kids are REALLY bright like Notre Dame or something not at some community college. So after i suffered though the lecture i went to lab. Lab is SOO BORING seirously my friend and i looked at stuff on the computer (non anatomy related) for practically the whole time. Its basically a waste of time. We spend the first half hour watching a “quality” movie every tuesday and they are just so info filled you cant even keep up. So basically lab was a waste as well. Overall anatomy was just a pain in the butt like it usually was and this morning i was not having it but the day contined to get more frustrating from there.

After anatomy (thank god we got out early) i had to talk to my scholarship advisor about a recent mandatory meeting i missed. Let me begin by saying that i had NO CLUE about this meeting. Apparently letters went out during winter break stating when the next meeting would be. Apparently mine got lost in the mail or something because i never got one. Therefore i had no idea about this meeting we had last Saturday. The only thing i knew about this meeting was from a friend asking me where i was on Saturday because she was there and i was not. And this advisor sent out an e.mail THE DAY OF the event stating when and where it was. What a bunch of crap. So anyways i go in to talk to her and she has nothing but bad news for me. She says that because i missed the 2 hour meeting i have to make up 4 hours worth of service. Blah then shes like ohh but there is a make-up day you can attend to get those 4 hours back they are on the 15th. Well you see im visiting my boyfriend that weekend so thats false i cant make it. She then says that ohh well thats an additional 4 hours then. WHAT THE HECK this lady is now making me complete 8 extra community service hours because i didnt attend a meeting i had NO IDEA ABOUT. Blows my mind. I was soo upset and seirously about to punch her and walk out.

After that great news she then states that basically i wont get into the nursing program first semester because apparently i needed to have ALL of my pre-reqs done BEFORE this summer to get into first semester nursing program. At this point i was checked out. What in the world am i going to do for a whole semester next year without being in the program? How come i was not notified about these deadlines? Yes i understand the college has a great nursing program and practically everyone wants to get in but seirously? i feel like this is information i should have known up front. Apparently to the college these are minor but for me this changes my whole plan of action.

Right now i have to focus on one thing at a time. Facts are: i have to complete 18 service hours in the next 2 months in order to keep my scholarship. I have to go to the counclers office to clarify this news i was told today. Lastly i have to start focusing on one thing at a time and take things day by day. I take the nursing enterance test on Saturday and basically that decides the rest of my college career. If i pass ill wait another semester if i dont, then maby i have to find a different route to go. I have to stop obsessing about this nursing thing and i just cant wait until i find out on Saturday. Right now i do not have to decide but let fate decide, if its meant to be it will happen. *Live as Though Heaven is on Earth*